Congratulations to us!
So, we did it! A dream that we have wished for to solve a problem that is common and time-consuming…
We are proud to announce the world’s first predictive and time travelling computerised Robot. Our Robot can travel back into the past to accurately piece together missing details from candidate CV’s.
When we see that someone has ‘Worked in Tunisia’ our Robot can tell us exactly what type of rig it was, and which skill specialities were necessary to work there. If the CV says ‘all relevant certificates up to date’ our Robot can tell us which certificates the job seeker is talking about.
The reason why we are so happy about this is that normally we spend at least half a day formatting, standardising and optimising each CV that is submitted by one of our candidates. This work is done by one of our Skill Pool Advisors, each with at least 20-years of relevant industry experience. (Not the recruiting industry – the drilling industry!)
Each time a CV is incomplete or vague, this has resulted in time-consuming detective work by our Skill Pool Advisors. They spend time on Google trying to track down the details of historic projects or fit together whether the candidate was likely to have been offshore or onshore, let alone on a MODU working in shallow or deep water. Our Advisors usually need to follow up with an email chain with the candidate in the hope that they can track down all of the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle to create a CV that looks both professional and presentable.
Why do our Skill Pool Advisors do this?
Because they have been involved in the recruiting process, from the side of the oil and gas companies. They understand the selection process from the point of view of a Technical Recruiting Manager. They know that shabby and incomplete CV’s are overlooked. A Technical Recruiting Manager does not have the time for the searching and detective work when they can move onto CV’s that have been prepared properly.
So you can see the advantage in having a time travelling Robot!
Our Robot will save hours, days and sometimes weeks of frustration and delays. We have designed the Robot to travel back in time to fill in the blanks in our candidate CV’s, but we now believe that our Robot can see the future as well!
This is how we discovered that our Robot can travel forward in time as well as back…
After our Robot had got to the stage where it was semi-conscious and able to play Candy Crush and Clash of Clans better than we could, we started to see him as a person, a part of the team. He needed a name…
We were trying to decide whether to call him ‘The Oracle’ or ‘Crystal Balls’ as both names seemed to suit. Our Robot interrupted us and said that ‘he’ was, in fact, a ‘she’ and that in the future we would start to call her ‘the which’.
We asked whether she meant ‘the witch’ and she said no, we will call her ‘the which’ because she will be able to tell us:
- Which skill specialities are attributed to which candidates.
- Which project each person worked on at which time.
- Which residencies, passports, and restrictions are applicable.
- Which certificates are current and up to date.
- Which parts of the world the candidate will or won’t work, and which they have and haven’t worked.
Plus many, more, in actual fact we considered calling her the ‘which-what-where-who’ but it didn’t have the same ring to it. So ‘the which’ it is then.
Here she is:
The ‘future predicting’ part of the programming is a work in progress, but we already see the potential in helping us to solve other problems in the recruitment business.
Soon, we will be able to answer some difficult questions from candidates such as:
- How long do you think that it will take for me to get a job?
- What does the employer think of my application that we submitted last week?
- How long will this downturn last?
- How much will the price of oil be in a years time?
Our time travelling predictive Robot will certainly make our lives easier. The benefits to the less diligent job hunters will be even more profound. It will soon be possible to dust off a 15-year-old CV and put no additional effort in whatsoever.
Our time travelling Robot does not exist. This is a spoof article to get a point across about inaccurate or incomplete CV’s damaging your chances of employment. It is also designed to get the point across about the level of care and diligence involved in our CV service and the work that is done before entry into our database.
There was a time when disclaimers like this were not needed, people got the joke and understood the message. Now the slower ones among us are ‘protected’ by many regulations. To err on the side of caution, we would like to point out that we are not scientists or inventors and we are certainly not legal, financial or healthcare professionals. We don’t think that time travel has been invented yet and that any similarity between our Robot and anyone real who is alive or dead is merely coincidental.